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Every manager has that one employee. The one who keeps you up at night. The one you replay conversations with in your head days later.
Maybe they push back on every change. Maybe they stir up gossip. Maybe they’re aggressive with their coworkers, or maybe they’re just checked out.
Whatever it looks like, dealing with “difficult employees” is one of the hardest parts of leadership. Worse still: ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away. Left unchecked, these behaviours spread like mould in the foundation. Slowly and quietly at first, but eventually damaging the whole structure.
But here’s the good news. You can treat this problem without sacrificing your team’s morale or trust. And it starts by shifting how you see the problem.
The Myth of the “Difficult Employee”
Managers are often quick to slap the label “difficult employee” on someone and call it a day. But here’s the problem with that approach: labels aren’t solutions. Half the time, they’re not even accurate.
Calling someone “toxic” or “lazy” is like calling a car “broken” without ever looking under the hood. You may have described the issue, but you haven’t taken any steps to understand it.
Instead of labelling the “difficult employee,” focus on their behaviour. Behaviours can be observed, measured, and most importantly, corrected. When you zero in on the behaviour, and not the person, it feels less personal, less judgmental, and way more manageable.
Four Difficult Behaviours (and What to Do About Them)
Here are four of the most common behaviours managers struggle with and how you should respond.
1. Resisting Change
You announce a new initiative, and a team member crosses their arms and says, “But, we’ve always done it this other way.” Does that sound familiar?
Their resistance usually comes from fear. Fear of losing control, fear of appearing incompetent, or simply fear of uncertainty. Likewise, if they perceive the change as a challenge to their identity, they’ll have a similar response.
When dealing with resistant behaviour, it’s best to validate their concerns. Encountering resistance can make us feel defensive, so it’s essential to take a moment to bring our own emotions under control. Then, use non-judgmental, open-ended questions to uncover the reasons behind their resistance. Try something like:
I understand why this might feel disruptive. What are the specific problems you’re seeing that I might have missed?
Also, use this opportunity to see if they can identify any issues with the existing system or process:
I understand why this might feel disruptive. What are the specific problems you’re seeing that I might have missed?
You’ve now validated their concerns, developed a better understanding of what’s motivating their resistance, and highlighted problems with the “old way” of doing things. Now it’s time to explain the why behind the change and how it benefits that employee and their team. Take special care to explain how the concerns motivating their resistance will be addressed, and how the new initiative will address the issues with the old one.
Finally, look for opportunities to have resistant team members shape the implementation. Having agency over change helps reduce any fear they may have.
2. Spreading Negativity
We’ve all dealt with this behaviour. It’s the team members who add a “Yeah, but…” to every meeting. Or are quick to point out why something won’t work. Worse still are the employees who constantly complain or spread gossip behind the scenes. Negativity spreads like wildfire through a team; everyone is affected, whether they fan the flames or not.
Negativity often stems from frustration or a feeling of being unheard. Gossip itself isn’t inherently negative and is an integral part of social cohesion, but it easily mixes with negativity and helps it spread.
When encountering negativity, it’s important to acknowledge it. Shutting it down or attempting to placate it doesn’t stop it; it just makes it less public and more apt to piggyback on gossip. Thank whoever is displaying the behaviour for their perspective.
Show that you’re listening by repeating their position back. It helps if you can paraphrase what they’ve said. Ask clarifying questions until you get something that sounds like, “That’s right.”
Then, it’s time to refocus on solutions:
It sounds like you’re concerned about X because of Y and Z. That’s fair. What do you think our best options are for dealing with that?
Then, pause, and give them time to think. The silence may feel uncomfortable, but remember it will feel at least as uncomfortable for them, and you’re setting an important boundary. You’re openly saying that, when I’m confronted with negativity, I expect you to bring me solutions too.
If they can’t think of anything or respond with an “I don’t know,” that’s not your cue to jump in and start offering solutions. Instead, say this:
If you need more time to think about this, I understand. Let’s meet again in [five days] and you can present your solutions to me then. Talk to the rest of the team if you get stuck.
You’re modelling a logical consequence for negativity, and more importantly, it’s not a punishment. You’re showing that you take the problem seriously, but then also demonstrating that you’re not going to jump in and fix everything.
Finally, in terms of rumours and gossip, one of the best strategies is to bring it into the light. Negative gossip is often done in secret, where it spreads in the shadows. Confronting it head-on can be an effective way to stamp it out. Call a meeting, invite everyone involved and say:
I’ve been hearing rumours that some of you are concerned about X. Let’s discuss that.
Again, you’re setting a clear boundary. If you’re prepared to gossip, be prepared to do it in front of everyone. Now, this tactic works best when the gossip isn’t about any one person. In those situations, it can be better to speak privately with the people doing the gossiping. But don’t discount the public strategy if the target of the gossip is comfortable with it.
3. Acting Aggressively
I’ve dealt with my share of aggressive people. They’ve ranged from people who interrupt to people who try to intimidate you, to people who lose all emotional control and erupt like a toddler having a temper tantrum.
What’s important to recognize is that there is no situation where aggressive behaviour should be tolerated. It’s the fastest way to create a hostile environment where nobody feels safe speaking up.
When confronting aggressive behaviour, first and foremost, it’s essential to keep your cool. Matching their volume or tone only invites more of their aggressive behaviour.
Then, name the behaviour directly, but respectfully. It can also be helpful to name the underlying emotions.
Your tone feels very aggressive. It sounds like you’re angry about this situation. Would you like to take a moment to compose yourself.
That last part allows them to save face. You’ve called out their behaviour and tied it to an emotion. It’s a respectful way of showing them they’re not in control of their emotions. The final sentence is like an olive branch, giving them a moment to regain control of their emotions.
If they instead try to continue the conversation in their heightened emotional state, respectfully and clearly close out the conversation. Demonstrate that you will not talk to them if they aren’t willing to practice emotional restraint.
It feels like you’re having a hard time staying calm right now. I will not talk to you in this state. I’d like you to take some time to calm down, and we can speak again when you’ve had a chance to do so.
4. Withdrawing or Disengaging
Sometimes, the most difficult employees to manage aren’t loud or aggressive; They’re quiet and closed off. They may miss deadlines, contribute very little in meetings, or seem emotionally checked out. It’s like they’re on autopilot, stuck in a holding pattern.
This kind of disengagement often signals a lack of clarity, feeling undervalued, or worse, burnout.
Make time to speak with the employee privately. Bring up what you’ve noticed directly, but gently. Use specific examples wherever possible.
I’ve noticed you’ve seemed distant lately. And your last two reports were turned in late.
Use clarifying questions to build an understanding of what’s holding them back. I encourage clients to use my DRIVE framework. Asking questions about the employee’s Direction, Resources, Input, Visibility and Engagement. You can grab that free guide here.
Once you have an understanding of what’s holding them back, you can work with this employee to develop solutions that help reconnect them with their work, their team and the larger mission.
Your Role as the Manager
Here’s the part many managers overlook: “difficult employees” don’t exist in a vacuum. And how you respond has a direct influence on whether the situation escalates or calms down. More importantly, “difficult employees” have an unwelcome influence over the whole team, and how you respond will directly affect everyone.
As a manager, you want to help your “difficult employees” with their problematic behaviours, while also continuing to support your team. To do so, you need to avoid three major issues that cause managers to stumble.
Conflict Avoidance – Very few people enjoy conflict, and this can lead some managers to try to avoid it entirely. But when dealing with the problematic behaviours of “difficult employees,” not confronting them, while gratifying in the short term, causes the problem to worsen over time. These problems don’t get better by themselves. If you want to help your team, be prepared to have tough conversations. Check the next section for some quick tips on how to do that.
Addressing symptoms, not causes – Dealing with “difficult employees” requires a time investment. It can be a lot of work. So many managers focus on applying quick fixes to the symptoms instead. Posting a poster in the break room discourages gossip. Or saying a few words of encouragement to a disengaged employee. They feel like solutions, but they don’t address the underlying causes, and so the problem persists.
Taking things personally – “Difficult employees” have a way of getting under our skin. With aggressive employees, it’s more obvious, but even a disengaged employee can feel like a subtle attack on our managerial expertise. You have to always remember that this isn’t about you. And letting your emotions cloud your judgement will not make it easier to help correct unwanted behaviours.
Think of yourself like a thermostat. When the temperature changes, a thermostat acknowledges the change and adjusts the HVAC system accordingly to bring the temperature back into balance. It doesn’t “wait and see,” or suggest you crack a window open instead of turning on the air conditioning. As a manager, your job is to find the best path back to balance and take it.
A Simple Conflict-Resolution Framework
“Difficult employees” and conflict go hand in hand. When things start heating up, it can be helpful to have a quick framework to fall back on. Here’s a five-step approach that keeps you grounded:
- Gather information — hear all sides before making any assumptions or decisions.
- Clarify expectations — spell out what’s acceptable and what isn’t, and be clear on boundaries.
- Agree on a plan of action — concrete steps, who, what and when. Treat them like promises.
- Follow up consistently — accountability is the bridge between talk and action.
- Document the process — protect yourself, the employee, and the organization.
It’s quick and dirty, but it gives you a simple path to follow. I’ll provide a more concrete overview of conflict resolution in another post. Subscribe so you don’t miss it.
With “Difficult Employees,” Prevention Beats Cure
The easiest way to deal with “difficult employees” is to prevent those behaviours from taking root in the first place. Doing this requires being proactive and intentional.
- Set expectations early and often — don’t leave room for ambiguity or uncertainty.
- Recognize positive behaviour — people repeat what gets rewarded.
- Encourage honest conversations — honesty and vulnerability help bring issues into the light.
- Check in regularly — building a habit of checking in is the easiest way to surface problems early.
- Provide resources and support — many “performance issues” are really resourcing issues in disguise.
Think of it like maintaining a car. Regular oil changes and tune-ups prevent breakdowns when you can’t afford it. As a leader, even simple actions like regular recognition go a long way in keeping negative behaviours at bay.
Final Thoughts
Handling difficult employees is one of the toughest parts of leadership, but it’s also a huge opportunity for growth. When you stop labelling people and start addressing their behaviours, you not only solve problems but also strengthen trust, clarity, and culture along the way.
If you’re ready to build the skills and confidence to lead through these challenges, check out my free DRIVE framework guide, a practical tool I use with clients to diagnose and fix team performance issues before they spiral.
Your people — even the “difficult” ones — are worth it.
